You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
