I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She bit a glass in half.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
