what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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