Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
