Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
