so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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