She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
