the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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