Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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