did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
