Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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