My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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