why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
