Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
