Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
