Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
