We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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