I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize