I cannot find my penis.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
