Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
