Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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