There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
