Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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