We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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