I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
