I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
