Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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