he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
