I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
