Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
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I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
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I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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