Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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