I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
