I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
