ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
PS: I just woke up from my shower
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
