I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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