Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
