Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
