Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I supernannyed him into submission
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
