some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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