I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
