apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
