Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
