The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
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I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
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I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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