Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
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Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
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I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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