go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
