I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
