I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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