omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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