Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
