You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
