someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
