Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
