The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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