im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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