i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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