Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
