I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
