oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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