I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize