i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
