Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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