K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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